Monday Morning Funnies!

As I work on my anthology CALEB'S KISS, a western set in Texas, I came across these PUNS. So for all of you who love twists on words, here goes. Enjoy!

ALL PUNS INTENDED


Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says "A
beer please, and one for the road."

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, "It's Not Unusual."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
find any.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent some different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.