Tuesday Morning Chuckles

While I'm fighting online for Tim and Faith Soul to Soul concert tickets this morning (Huge fan of both) I thought I'd post some Church Bulletin Funnies for you. Enjoy and oh, I'll let you know if I get tickets. It's never a fun thing and a big challenge to try to get decent seats for a show you are dying to see.
Thanks to Debbie Decker for sending these to me!

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with Typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the Recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a Conflict.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.



Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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American Idol

Yes, I am still writing, but with the Olympics that I'm taping and FF to the sports I enjoy, I will admit that I'm hooked on American Idol. I don't know what it is about that show, but I truly enjoy watching. I do love music and I'm a country western fan, so you know who I cheered on last year. And she won! This year I have my predictions already, but I'll keep them quiet. So, is it the music, the songs, the competitive edge, the banter and sometimes controversy of the judges or all of the above? I can't really say. I do love a challenge and I like to see the underdog come out ahead if they deserve it. But right now, my picks aren't underdogs -- they are probably the favorites. And as time goes on we'll see their true personalities and hear their weaknesses and strengths and as Ryan Seacrest says -- America will decide. And I'll be there, text voting for my picks and hoping to see someone well-deserving win.

Ice Dancing

For the past few nights, I've been watching Olympic Ice Dancing. While not a favorite of mine, I have to say that I really enjoyed it. The drama is always something, the heartaches, the triumphs -- all part of what make up the Olympics. And what caught my attention most was the athleticism of the skaters these days. Used to be that ice dancing, was just that -- dancing close with your partner on ice. But now, ice dancing has become more a test of skill, endurance, gymnastics and expression. Those skaters move gracefully across the ice while putting their bodies in the most unique positions. Limber, that's the word. Each one of those skaters is in incredible shape, their bodies completely toned. I sat there watching with my husband and we both ooohed and aaahed and blinked our eyes at the intricate positions and movements they made, and though it looked stunning, we both knew what skill and practice went into those moves. I think I'm still in awe. And it never ceases to amaze me how, as time goes on, our athletes push themselves harder and further than ever before.

Are you watching the Olympics?

Just wondering how many of you out there are watching the Olympics? Usually, I get enthralled and can't remote myself away from the channel. But I'm finding the Olympics flat this year. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe, life has just been so darn busy and I can't keep my focus. I'll tune into a sport and think "I really love watching this" but five minutes into it, I'm bored. I can't get into the ice skating, which is usually my favorite. And it has less to do with Michelle Kwan's withdrawal and more to do with the lack of charisma I'm seeing. There have been disappointments too, for the Americans and I'm not seeing the rising star shine. Maybe that's it -- I can't relate to the athletes this year.

Except for our "Flying Tomato" . Now, see that's what I'm talking about. He's a character. He's fun to watch and listen too. He's talented and quite an inspiration. I've never watched a snowboarding event in my life, but I watched him take the gold and learned something about snowboarding as well.

I don't "get" luge, the double luge looks a bit ridiculous and I find myself thinking, what's the point? But I'm not tuning out just yet. I hope Olympic fever hits me. I want to enjoy watching and cheering our teams on throughout the competition. It's early yet and maybe the best will be saved for last. I hope so.

But it's not all a loss for me. I'm Italian-American and love seeing the locales and learning about that region in Italy. And I thought the opening ceremony was fanastic. You can't argue with great ingenutity and imagination. I'm hanging in there, hoping to get inspired and if not that, then I'll settle for being entertained. Go USA!

Happy Valentine's Day!

But first, a kitchen update. What kitchen? -- It's GONE! There's nothing left but my refrigerator. Skittles the cat is very confused. She keeps walking around and around looking for what doesn't exist anymore. It's really very cute. And it looks like we'll be doing creative meals for a long while. I keep telling myself, it'll all be worth it once it's done.

But I won't whine today, because today is a day for ROMANCE. So give your sweeties a hug and kiss and let them know they are special in your life!

And now for some fun Valentine's Day facts. Did you know:

Hundreds of years ago in England, many children dressed up as adults on Valentine's Day. They went singing from home to home. One verse they sang was: Good morning to you, valentine; Curl your locks as I do mine---Two before and three behind. Good morning to you, valentine.

In Wales wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favourite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In some countries, a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man. If she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

A love seat is a wide chair. It was first made to seat one woman and her wide dress. Later, the love seat or courting seat had two sections, often in an S-shape. In this way, a couple could sit together -- but not too closely!

Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.

Pick a dandelion that has gone to seed. Take a deep breath and blow the seeds into the wind. Count the seeds that remain on the stem. That is the number of children you will have. If you cut an apple in half and count how many seeds are inside, you will also know how many children you will have.

BE SURE TO ENTER MY CONTEST ON www.desireauthors.com.
Winner of a beautiful set of silver heart jewelry to be announced on the Desire Site on Friday!

A final farewell to my kitchen

I know I should be thrilled. I'm getting a brand new kitchen, the demolition team due here any minute to completely destroy every tile, every cabinet, every appliance I've used for the past 20 years. But the sentimental fool in me is already missing the kitchen where I fed my children breakfast, where we sat for hours doing homework together, where I would cook elaborate and not so elaborate meals for my family. The very kitchen I'd damned for tile grout too hard to clean, for chipped floors and outdated appliances, I now think I'm going to miss. What can I say? I'm loyal and I truly love my home. And when the kitchen goes today, so will a small part of my heart. Silly? I think so too, after all I'm getting a newly designed kitchen, but will it take 20 more years to put my personal stamp on it? I guess I'll just have to wait and see, but I'll reminisce about our "good old kitchen days" I'm sure.

Well, I'm off to make my last cup of coffee. Out with the old, in with the new, as they say.

Be sure to visit me this week at http://www.desireauthors.com/blog/blog.html
I'll be blogging and running a Valentine's Day contest!

Donating Books- Hard to Say Goodbye

Yesterday I was reminded to make my donation to the Rescue Mission. I gathered up some things in the house and then I recalled that they take books as well. I went into my closet, where my husband gouged out part of the wall to make me a four layered bookshelf and started perusing my books. Next I went outside to the garage and opened up a storage cabinet, filled head to toe with books. All I could do was shake my head.

The hardest thing for me to do is part with my books. Over the years I've collected and read books from my favorite authors, my dear friends, a writer's first book, some are signed, others are just close to my heart. Some I intend to read, others I've read more than twice. I have my keepers. LyVryle, Sandra Brown, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, will never leave my shelves. They have special meaning to me. They are the authors who inspired me initially to write romance. They hooked me and I'll never forget their stories. Also on the keeper shelf are my critique partners books. But then there are so many others. Kathryn Woodwiss, Joanne Lindsay and Nora along with other great but lesser known authors.

It took me quite a while to box up the books I'm sending to the mission. I chose at least 50 from my collection and the choosing wasn't easy. But the solace I get in giving these books away is that others who are in more need than myself, will someday derive as much enjoyment from them as I have over the years. I know they'll be appreciated. I haven't peeked outside my door yet to see if they're gone. Maybe, I'll take a look to say one final farewell.

Being Fair and Balanced

Since Valentine's Day is around the corner I thought this would make up for the jokes about the beloved opposite sex we've all laughed at. Honestly, these are good and after all, WE DO LOVE MEN, silly traits and all. Thanks to my dear friend Paula Davis for sending them along.

We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view...

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," ! We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!

The Ritas

I've just finished reading the last book for our pretigious Rita Award. I've read seven in all and I have to say that some of these stories were incredibly good. The writing and depth of emotion and historical background for some was top notch. I guess I miss reading. One of the things a writer doesn't get to do so much is read. Funny? Ironic? Yes. Reading is what brought me to this craft, yet now that I have deadlines and promotion and BlOGS and life outside of writing, seldom do I get a chance to read.

It's bittersweet with judging the Rita books. Most of the time I look at the pile TBR and think, "I don't have time for this," but once I pick up the book and start reading, I get involved and hate to put the book down. That's another reason why it's so hard for me. Usually, I finish a book within a two day period. That means, I cast aside all else, if the book is THAT good. And THAT'S not good for me, timewise. But it happens when I really enjoy a story.

This year, I've read some great ones and I hope that someone out there is judging my story and thinking, "Gee, this is a hard one to put down." Who knows, maybe I'm messing up someone else's schedule!

Visit me on EHarlequin this week under Harlequin Discussions! Meeting Your Match - Mess or Mesh. We're having a lively discussion.

RENEGADE WIFE on sale at Amazon.com and other online sites.
In the bookstores in FEBRUARY too!

Visit me on Eharlequin this week!

It's Monday and SuperBowl mania is over!! We had a fun time at our friend's annual SuperBowl party. But now onward to bigger and better things - Like Baseball Season.
I can't wait. I'm a Baseball junkie!

But in the meantime, I'm hosting a fun and lively discussion on Eharlequin this week. MEETING YOUR MATCH -- MESH or MESS? We'll be talking about your favorite books and how the hero/heroines don't mesh at all. It's a total mess, until they resolve their issues and finally MESH -- they fall in love!

This IS the month for Romance. Stop by and say hello and tell us how you found your mate. Was it mesh or match?

Here's the link. Hope to see you there!
http://community.eharlequin.com/webx?50@257.3u2gaZ49NgZ.1@.4a836fdd

Another Nice Review

I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to write a book that touches you deep inside, a book where you envision the characters in your head and know them so well, then have the readers and reviewers see the same things. I'm grateful that RENEGADE WIFE is getting such wonderful reviews and that apparently, many of you are reading it. It has SOLD OUT on EHarlequin one day before its offical February release -- a first for me. But not to worry, all the other sites, including Amazon still have plenty. I hope those of you who are reading Kane and Molly's story enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

From Romance Reviews Today:

RENEGADE WIFE is such a refreshing heartfelt love story to read. The characters are vibrant and well crafted. Molly is a spitfire who isn’t afraid to speak her mind. She is passionate about everything she says, does, and feels. It is her forthright manner which helps her overcome some of Kane’s more stubborn and mulish qualities. Kane, is a man any woman would want. He is rough around the edges, but once polished by love, he shines. He is obstinate, and refuses to give Molly any entrance into his heart. Their dialogue is witty, and their passion is electrifying.

The writing style of Ms. Sands is refreshing and so well done that readers will not only read Kane and Molly’s story, but they will feel it. The characters are lively and the settings beautifully described. Secondary characters are just as well written as Kane and Molly and are an added delight.

For a Western romance that will leave you smiling, be sure to read RENEGADE WIFE.

Edith Morrison

What makes a hero heroic?

I've asked myself that question many times, but I know the answer now. In my story Fortune's Vengeful Groom -- my hero is a macho alpha man who has revenge on his mind with a woman he once loved and believes treated him unjustly. But how do we make our alpha mega larger-than-life hero, ruthless, yet let our reader know he's really a good guy?

The answer is in the little things. I have to admit, I'm having a whole bunch of fun with this. My hero is not thinking nice He's not saying nice things to my heroine either, but he shows her that he's not a total jerk by setting his jacket about her shoulders when she shivers. He may step away from her with narrowed eyes and a wary expression, but he removes his hat in her presence. Manners, you say? Yes, that too, but it still evokes an emotion in both the heroine and the reader.

I'm only in Chaper Two of my next Desire continuity coming out March 07, but it'll be a fun ride keeping the tension and conflict going, while I find ways to show my hero's good side in subtle small ways. Maybe I'll have him show affection for a stray pup? No, too cliche? Okay, I'll think of something else. But in the thinking, comes the fun part of writing. Dreaming up ways to make my hero cold on the outside, but warm on the inside is a challenge and a joy that I'm happy to meet head on.

And speaking of heroes, if you want to see how I met my real-life hero, my husband Don, click here: http://occsliceoforange.blogspot.com/

It's a short but sweet and true story of how I met my one and only. And I'm honored to have been picked to kick off the first day of my RWA Chapter's 25 DAYS OF
ROMANCE. I hope you enjoy!

Also, check out my article CRAZY IN LOVE in the February issue of RomanceNewsToday at www.romancenewstoday.com


**** RENEGADE WIFE IS SOLD OUT ON EHarlequin.com Please see Amazon or your other favorite sites to purchase the book! ****