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Monday, July 07, 2008

Church Bulletin Funnies... Couldn't Pass These Up!

Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

If you love Jay Leno's Monday night Headlines, then you'll enjoy these!
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ~~~~~~

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ~~~~~~
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ~~~~~~

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ~~~~~~

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ~~~~~~

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. ~~~~~~

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ~~~~~~

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ~~~~~~

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ~~~~~~

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ~~~~~~

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." ~~~~~~

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ~~~~~~

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ~~~~~~

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ~~~~~~

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ~~~~~~

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ~~~~~~

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ~~~~~~

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ~~~~~~

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ~~~~~~

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ~~~~~~


CherylStJohn said...

I've read some of these before and find them all hilarious. Goes to show what a little editing or proofreading wil do eh?

There was one once about entering the double side doors for the Weight Watchers meeting or something like that.

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