Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
If you love Jay Leno's Monday night Headlines, then you'll enjoy these!
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ~~~~~~
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ~~~~~~
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ~~~~~~
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ~~~~~~
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ~~~~~~
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. ~~~~~~
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ~~~~~~
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ~~~~~~
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ~~~~~~
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ~~~~~~
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." ~~~~~~
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ~~~~~~
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ~~~~~~
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ~~~~~~
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ~~~~~~
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ~~~~~~
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ~~~~~~
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ~~~~~~
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ~~~~~~
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ~~~~~~
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2 comments:
I've read some of these before and find them all hilarious. Goes to show what a little editing or proofreading wil do eh?
There was one once about entering the double side doors for the Weight Watchers meeting or something like that.
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